How do I give my wife an orgasm?

[Korkelz]

Ok, simple question but probably requires a complex answer. We've been married a year, no orgasm. We are both going to start doing kegels, I just found a few websites that suggest exercise routines. I know it would be beneficial for me to last longer and her to be more sensitive...

...but until the kegel exercises kick in (im still a bit skeptical of them), I'd like to have some way of giving her an orgasm. She doesn't want anything except me going into her, so most vibrators are out...

Therefor I was looking at vaginal/clitoral pumps which she wouldn't mind using. However, all the pumps I can find on amazon.com and other websites have not-so-great user reviews.

Does anyone know of a pump that has worked and worked well? Can you possibly give other advice in achieving an orgasm? What is a man to do? I desperately want to send her over the edge.

[steve]

Hi Korkelz and thank you for your post. Im not sure if you have one of our penis pumps but we can also supply a vaginal cup to use with the pump which may well help matters. With regards to an orgasm, have you thought about trying a vibrating penis ring? i believe Durex now sell them.

kind regards

Steve
www.noogleberry.com

[Anastasia916]

I don't mean to be graphic, but kegels do work. I have a 4 year old child, and after having him I was told to do them as a part of the healing process. Well the first time I had sex after having him (3 months later) it was as if I were a virgin again! I was THAT sensitive and THAT tight. Now if you do any type of anal play, just know doing kegels strengthens those muscles as well so it will be harder to relax them for that. I found that out the hard way and stopped doing them for a long time. But then when I stopped doing them, my orgasms vaginally were not as intense and I couldn't have as many. So that is evidence to me that kegels play a major role. As far as giving her an orgasm now, every woman is different, no two the same. Every woman reacts differently to different things and different techniques. Like me for example...I don't like fingers, they feel funny or hurt me, odd I know. I only like toys if they are made of the jelly or skin like materials. I don't like glass, metal, plastic or rubber toys. When it comes to oral I like it soft and slow. But when it comes to intercourse I like it hard and fast, so as you can tell, different techniques with the different things. All I can say is experiment. Try different techniques with the different things, when it comes to intercourse, try different positions. If you are having a problem lasting long without cumming before she does...get some thick condoms and use them to get her off first, then take it off and go again for yourself. If I were there I could tell you many different things to try and the different ways to do them. But unfortunately all I can tell you is to experiment. I also know how to "squirt" and EVERY female can do it. It's the most intense orgasm ever, what "squirting" is, is female ejaculate. If you look up female ejaculate you will find plenty of scientific/medical type sites explaining what it is. What it is in a nutshell is females have a prostate, but it's not the prostate like a male has. A male's prostate is behind his other sexual organs and best reached anally to stimulate. A female's prostate is behind the urethra (tube going from the bladder). The female prostate is best reached vaginally. If you stick your fingers in the vagina, not too far in you will feel a round ball type thing, that's the prostate. You have to stimulate it in the way that is best for her, for me it's stimulated when I angle a vibrator a certain way or if I'm on top of my husband and grinding him. What happens when I "squirt" is a BUNCH of liquid comes out the urethra, it's not urine though, it has been scientifically proven that it's not. It comes from the female prostate. The female prostate fills with fluid when she is sexually aroused. If it's not released during sexual activity she then later "pees" it out. This is why women typically have to go urinate after sex. Now if you try to make her squirt be prepared to have to change your bedding, and I recommend having a water proof type mattress cover. Now it can sometimes take women a while to "learn" to relax and squirt because they are taught that it is peeing and that it's wrong and not lady like. But it's not peeing. It took me a while to learn to relax and release, but once I did it gives me the best orgasms ever, about 10 times more intense then other orgasms. Anyway, sorry to get all graphic I just know alot about sex lol. Hope this helps and hope you figure out something. I know how frustrating it can be. The past month I've had no sexual desire, so ordering some spanish fly. But it happens, there was a time where my hubby had no desire and I was going nuts. This is why we keep toys in my house for both of us lol, I have vibrators and he has a couple vaginas. So if one of us aren't in the mood and the other is, there is always something there. Then there is no need for infidelity and everyone's happy.  

[cleo]

Do you still do kegels anastasia and if so how many a day? I try and do at least thirty every time I have a pee (only way I remember to do them!! lol) and I've read that they are somehing you have to continue to do for the rest of your life to keep nice and tight. Thanks for all the other info too!! Very informative!! lol

Korkelz, obviously I can only speak from personal experience, but I'd say concentrate on lots of foreplay to really get your wife turned on. Personally I would say start off slowly stimulating her breasts and nipples, lots of clitoral stimulation is essential and long slow oral, tell her how much her body turns you on. You could try and get each other to orgasm just through oral as a starting point as some women find it difficult to orgasm through penetration alone.

Good luck and I'm sure you'll get plenty of female advice on here!! 

[Anastasia916]

Yep I still do kegels. See I was doing kegels before I even knew what they were. I'd say I been doing them since I was 12 or 13, I would stop my pee all the time when bored cause I thought it was funny (I find weird ways to entertain myself lol). Well once I started puberty, I started my period at 13, this started to feel good to me. So I would do them even when not peeing. Like hundreds within an hour. And it got to the point where my first orgasm was from doing kegels! I thought something was wrong with me lol. But turned out that I was doing them so much that it made me so sensitive that just flexing the muscle caused orgasm. I can't do that now since having a child, but I can get to the point where it turns me on to do it if I do hundreds in a day. Lately I been slacking on doing them, but normally I do at least 100 a day. If I really think about it I'll do thousands in a day. You can always get those chinese ball thingies from adult shops and use those to practice kegels better. The idea is to put the balls in where they are barely in you, and hold the muscle where the ball doesn't fall out when you stand. Or you can put the balls all the way in and push them out. Either way is effective. And lol cleo, anytime, ever want to know anything else, I probably know about it. I still learn everyday. But I know ways to get males off easily, I know how to "milk" a male prostate, etc. I'm just a very open and kinky person and always trying new things. I'm just lucky I found a husband that is the same way or I'd be up shit creek so to speak. LOL Maybe I should write a book haha. I've considered taking courses in psychology and specializing in couples sexual counseling. Like being a sex consultant type. OH! That's another thing you can do Korkelz, go to a sex therapist. They are educated more so then I am and can help you more, your wife may have some sexual blocks and might need counseling. I hate to give this example, but there are soo many women with it I must, sorry if I offend anyone, but women who were sexually abused at any point in their life often have problems orgasming until they get counseling. I have been through alot, I will just say that, and I went through counseling, and I think that's why sometimes sex is an emotional thing for me, and there are times where these emotions I have get in the way of me orgasming, but my husband is very supportive and there for me and eventually it goes away and I'm fine again. Just a suggestion if she has any type of blockage.

[cleo]

I'm very open minded and a bit kinky myself but I'm twice your age and still learning!! lol. Even though I'm in my forties now I've never felt sexier!! Maybe Lucy and Steve could give you your own section on the forum for any sexual queries/problems, etc.!! lol. Only to be viewed by forum members of course!! 

[cleo]

Korkelz, found a website earlier that you and your wife may find helpful, its all about women's sexual pleasure and health. I'm not sure how to post a link to the site but its called The-Clitoris.com. Hope it helps.

[Korkelz]

Just want to say thanks for all the information! I'm relieved to have additional knowledge on this subject.

[Korkelz]

Anastasia916, I was wondering if you might share with us your kegel exercise routine for my wife! 

[Anastasia916]

I don't understand what you mean by routine?

[Korkelz]

Any information on how long, how much, or in what way you did kegel exercises would be appreciated. I know I can google "kegel exercises" and get "routines" and that is what I did, but it would be nice to hear from you who has first-hand experience and a success story with great results. Know what I mean? 

[cleo]

Korkelz I'm sure anastasia will answer your question and it seems that kegels can certainly enhance an orgasm for some people. I don't know if your wife has had children but if not she should be pretty tight anyway. The way to go is finding out what stimulates her and turns her on enough to give her an orgasm and being stressed out because she's not having one is not going to help either of you. Try and forget about whether or not you or she orgasm and just enjoy touching and stimulating each other. Penetration is really not the b all and end all and a lot of women have trouble getting an orgasm from penetrative sex, you don't always need to penetrate to have good fulfilling sex. If you go onto the web site I mentioned earlier there is a section where people describe their first sexual experience and women telling what makes them achieve great orgasms.

[Korkelz]

Hey Cleo, it looks like I'll have to go more in depth with what's going on so that future advice given will be more "on-target" with my individual situation.

Well, I skimmed through the website, and here's why. I understand what you're trying to say. I've read a couple of marriage books before I got married and I thought I knew everything. However, the more I learned about my wife, the more useless the information from the books became. Don't worry Cleo, we are not in a state of being stressed out. We are excited to achieve better sex rather than being frustrated that we are not there yet. We have very good communication. I also am able to keep the mindset of just wanting to please her. Actually, she's the one that forces me inside

well...I don't mean to blame my wife for not being able to achieve an orgasm...but I guess I do have a few concerns about her sexual openness. She's not willing [at this point in time] to try a vibrator that would have to be inserted inside of her (I was hoping someone would suggest a non-penetrating vibrator, but that's beside the point); I also have a very good feeling she wouldn't want to masturbate (which the website you gave did mention). I guess I never really communicated with my wife about this, but I don't know if she really knows how to have an orgasm. She seems to be as confused as I am after all.

But... I'm feeling ok, I'm willing to do anything. I'll give that website another try when I get home (in 3-4 days); lets keep this conversation going. I'm here to learn.

[Anastasia916]

Okay let me see if I can explain this...to do a kegel you have to flex the muscles down there. If you have not had a child the best way to learn is, when you go pee, stop the flow while peeing, just practice stopping your pee while peeing for a few seconds. Don't stop it and not finish peeing lol only stop it for a few seconds then continue. The muscles you used to stop the pee, concentrate on those muscles. This is for guys too, guys can strengthen their erections this way. My hubby does kegel exercises, what he does is while erect he makes his penis jump up and down while he's laying on his back. Anyway, on to the female technique...once she learns what muscles she is using to stop her pee, she can learn to flex them even while not peeing... I personally pulse mine, over and over hundreds of times. Sometimes I will flex and hold. It's flexing a muscle just like anything else. When you do ab exercises sometimes you go up in a crunch and hold, other times you pulse the muscle, same thing applies to kegels. I don't follow a certain routine. I just do whatever. Oh, and if you do any kind of anal play, the kegels can make your anal muscles too tight so be careful when starting penetration there. If you don't do any of that, then no worries. I think kegels even help the bowel movements, it does for me anyway, makes them easier.

From what you're saying, I think your wife isn't allowing herself to orgasm. It is something you have to learn to allow yourself to do. Hope you two figure it out! But yes, there are clitoral vibrators, like a butterfly. I have a butterfly, a dragonfly, and other than that the rest are the penetration type. But you can use a penetration type however you like. You can put it on the clit, you don't have to insert it. 

[wannabecee]

		Quote:			Sent by Korkelz on January 04, 2010, 12:04:34 AM
	She's not willing [at this point in time] to try a vibrator that would have to be inserted inside of her (I was hoping someone would suggest a non-penetrating vibrator, but that's beside the point);

Korkelz, 

I recommend the Hitachi Magic Wand. 

btw did she have orgasms before marriage?